Story of Myself

I grew up in a very simple family with two brothers and two sisters. When i was born my father worked as a foremen in a woods factory somewhere in Lahad Datu, Sabah, we lived in quarters had been provided by the company. I cant remember the whole things there but am sure about one thing that we lived well there not to say we were rich. Besides, i remember my mom loved to baked cookies and cakes during xmas. Our life there, was like we (brothers and sisters) the children of the well man.

But as the time goes, when my father moved to another company and again worked as a foreman but this time in oil palm factory at Batu Rong Kunak, Sabah for almost 3 years, again our family moved to another place but still in Kunak, and this time my father have to stay in a different place from us due to the our school issues and etc. For almost a year stayed in a rent house, finally my mom decided to buy a land from our pastor and started hired a person to build a small house on that land and we were moved before it was completed.

And the story of my life begin here..

I still remember it was evening when my family were moved to this uncompleted house. At first when i saw that house without a proper wall lol i was just surprised how we going to live in a house like that. Without any electricity, without any water supplier, this house completely taught us how to live in a difficult situation. We Would had to walked 20 minutes to the river just for shower and laundry and the rest were just hopping for the skies to give us some water.

Oil palm plantation was our field to play, river was our swimming pool and chickens were our friends to play with. How amazing our life ha? and more amazingly when my dad were not working for almost 6 months. There was a very tough time for us. My mom were kept fighting with my dad and there is a moment where we had not any rice to eat for almost a week. one day during that time, my younger brother was just asked rice crust from my mom because he could not last himself from eating cassava.

In this incomplete house, we had taught how to depending on God totally

The Journey

Last 4 years had been the most challenging years for me, I see my self change so much

from a girl with just wearing sneaker, creepy jeans and cap..but now wearing a nice girly stuff
from the most tempered person to someone that can talk and laugh so much and always with the sweet smile on my lips
from someone that doesnt even know what was love feeling like, but I now understand and even I know what is the feeling of the heart broken
from someone that couldnt even speak in English, but now I am writing a blog with this international language
and above these things, I become closer to my creator
I become someone that I never ever imagined that I could be last 5 years ago.

Today, I see myself as I am today;
Graduated from a college
Get a job
Get a driving license
Get paid by the end of every month

but I still never forget that this is all that I have today, what I am today, its all not just came from my own effort, but also from people that has been around me, people that always supported me to went through all those tough years. Especially my parents who always supported me in every way.

I take this time to thank every one that involved directly or not with my life. Thank you so much all, I know that without you all I would never ever have a taste of this moment. Thank you

God is Faithful

After for almost 4 and half years I’ve been here, there is always this words that keeping me courage ‘GOD IS FAITHFUL’. I’ve been through a lot of sweet, bitter and sour moment here but still after all it is because of the love of God.

At the end of 2008 I came to this place without really knowing what is gonna happen to me, I came with my ‘Old Me’, I came with my cap, I came with me improper jeans, I came with my sneakers and yet I never knew that I would change this much.

What is more interesting, I never knew that this place would gave a big impact to me. So called ‘Legenda’. The place that see me how I grew from a girl to a woman, the witness how I drawing in the love of God. The place that teach me how to write, and how to communicate in English as today. Wow..! what a place..!

And today 14^th December 2012, I just did my last paper after 1 and half year foundation plus 3 years degree finally, what I has started last 4 years in this place is just ended today. I cry not because of leaving this place, but I cry because I never knew I would come this far, I never knew I could change this much, I never knew that everything were gonna changes as today and I cry because, for how many years I’m here, there is not even a moment God left from my side.

God gives me real friends, through them helps never end. Thank you Israel for being such a good friend, thank you jidy for being such a helpful friend, thank you Asima for being a genius friend to me, thank you everyone, thank you for the moment that we share together, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. After all, thank you to Above most high for allowing me to complete my degree.

This chapter of life will gonna end soon, excited, nervous, wonder to the up coming chapter. But one thing that keeping me strong is GOD is FAITHFUL! AMEN..!

The Answer From Him

I do not have the "real talent" but I am sure one thing when this year has started, that God's will has brought myself into praise and worship team in church is the only reason can describe why I'm here.

I was started playing keyboards in church (actually that was my very first time) one month before my 21th birthday. It was all of the sudden, was not expected by anyone, but Him. God's plans is beyond our intellectual.

But when 2011 was about to end, I was wondering about my ministry. Is it something from God? Is my ability to play keyboards was just a nature of life, the normal thing that would happen to anybody? Why am feel like am not acceptance in this team? That time, I was keep asking God for the answer. I remember weeks before I had the answer to all my questions, I tell a person in church that what I want just the answer from God to confirm what actually I suppose to do for God.

I remember that night, saturday night, week before Christmas, this one person came to our church, and that night actually we had a prayer for nations. This person have the great gift from God, She start telling our prophecy everyone of us there during that night . Through her actually God is answering all of my questions. Just few words all my question marks before gone. Through her, God says, He gives me authority to bring His people into his presence. He says again, that He sees my heart, not my talent, even people will not remember what I do, but He says that He will remember because He sees what they don't. (FROM THE BELLY FLOWING LIVING WATER) and she start anointing my fingers.

What a privilege, I couldn't describe how my feeling was, but one thing that I'm so sure about, that true my fingers, though the small talent that I myself have, through my strength He is using me so greatly.

~FROM THE BELLY FLOWING THE LIVING WATER~ This is the words that really touch me
Just thank you for the such Privilege and God is my priority

Proud to be here

maybe other people proud to be who they are because of their parents are living in the diamond castle,
maybe they proud of their father because he is able to earn thing they want,

maybe they proud to have such a rich family, uncles, aunties are living in very well condition,

maybe they proud because their family have their very successful company,

maybe they proud because their can fly to anywhere they like in every vacation

maybe they proud and proud and walking as proud as they are because the world is them

but i am proud because i have very humble mom

but i am proud becaue i have a hardworking dad

but i am proud because i have very stubborn elder borther

but i am proud to have an obedient sisters

but i am proud to have a talented younger brother

and i am can proudly to say...am proud to grew up in difficult environment

it was tough but i am proud because i was there to experience that, and amazingly...it was taught myself to be a better person, to know how precious my family are in my life and how wonderful God is.

it cannot be compare to anything that i will have someday, it cannot be compare to any gold, it just incomparable.

without them..i will not standing here, i will not be as who i am right now, and i wll not know the reason for this life..

i am be grateful because i have them in this short life.

Recovering

it is hard to start a new chapter with the old environment and especially if the pain is still there deep inside our heart :) but once it goes, flowing through the days it slowly getting smoother and the pain is slowly healing.

To smile and to talk as before to someone that you loved before...lol the most difficult things to do if you dont give a try to yourself to do it. but when you tried and you will realized that its not too hard to behave as usual :) even the tears is still come out. its normal :) yeah its normal but remember to smile because that is the only drug for tears

when we love, we miss

when we miss, we communicate

when we communicate thats mean we care and he is important to us

but once everything is changing, when we couldnt do anything to save our relationship, when decide to be apart while we still loving each other..

doesnt mean we cant talk like before, doesnt mean we cant say hello, doesnt mean we can laugh.

and thats why..

we loving each other, that why we decided to be apart

its painful and thats why it is called love :)

the moment that we shared will be the sweetest moment for this chapter

Because of this day...

our life is just funny...

yesterday we are rich, today we are very poor

yesterday we are at the top of the world, the next day it will not be surprise when we are at the bottom of this world

yesterday we thought 'the world is mine' but the next day we just realized that everything is fake

yesterday we have something that made u smiled and the next day its gone from you

yesterday we laughed, today we cry

yesterday we love and today we are not

funny ha? we can have thousands of things that will make us happy today, but make sure within them only one of them, we still have when today is gone..

we can have thousands of things in our life that make us smile, but it cannot be compare to the one thing that make us cry but its everlasting.

laugh when you got something that makes you feel happy because people will not call you crazy..

cry when something had been gone from you, because its make us feel sad, so nothing is wrong when we are cry...

scream when you couldnt hold that pain inside you, because it will make you feel better and it will healing you.

encourage yourself when we are down because nobody able to helping us. they dont know how deep you are felt.

be strong when you are weak because that is the only medicine for that.

forgive when people made mistake because nobody is perfect..

and at the end..someday when you look back you will smile because without this day you will not able to be on the day after this day..^_^

love you...(tears)