Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Exactly 2 years and 3 days ago, I had started my career as an engineer at production field. Started to work I tot everything is going to be awesome. Indeed it was awesome..! First awesome thing that i had experienced was to working under my Boss. Had been scolded for few times till i got cried, had been blurred when he threw some funny questions, could not understand the instructions had been given by him as he speaks with that funny language. There are one point in my life where, when i woke up at the morning, I would think twice (should I go to work today, what I am going to answer my boss when he ask me about those tasks, or should I just apply a leave or a MC today) before really going to take my shower. On that stage of life, every morning, when my car approaching the main gate, I will get nervous because deep inside me, I know that today is going to be another 'hell day' for me. But on that stage of life, My shelter, my great wall of China, my savior was God alone and today still He is. 

Second, awesomeness for being an engineer was to deal with those stubborn technician. I once taught before start working that, my technician will listen to me. They will do as I say, but a taught just a taught. Things become more complicated than I taught. They hardly listened to me as I am a girl and 10 to 15 years younger than them. There was a day when I had been pressured from my boss and my downline had been pushing me away and my task could not be completed. I was crying and asking God...REALLY??

After been years of struggling, crying, blurring around, nervous, scared, had been scolding, and I was praying to God, that let me endure this stage of my life till its really done. Because I know this could happen for a reason. He wants to mold me, He want me to be patient, to humble myself and to accept other people weaknesses and also to respect my leaders even with their weaknesses. I was praying to God that let me struggling to the maximum, and let me crying till my eyes swollen if that is going to be the lesson that I should learn for this stage of life but let me learn to overcome one struggle at a time. Let me pass this session of life and win this with the great victorious. To walking through that stage with knowing that God will not going to make me struggle more than I could bare and upon that time I come to know that I am actually really strong, as strong as iron or more than that. 

Today, I could enjoy the breeze, the blossom of flowers, sitting on the bunch smiles and enjoying this session, while thinking about those passed stage of my life. I could not be here today if yesterday were not taught me to stand firm. Thank you for being a faithful Father to me God. Waiting for tomorrow and let Today be the foundation of Tomorrow.

Went Back To Hometown

There is so much to write, I am not even sure what should I write first. But let me try to go one by one story.

I just came back from hometown. To went back there, I saw a lot of changes in my family. And to be there for a few days, makes me realized what was family all about. And to leave them once again, taught me every moment would be the precious moment. 

Story of Myself

I grew up in a very simple family with two brothers and two sisters. When i was born my father worked as a foremen in a woods factory somewhere in Lahad Datu, Sabah, we lived in quarters had been provided by the company. I cant remember the whole things there but am sure about one thing that we lived well there not to say we were rich. Besides, i remember my mom loved to baked cookies and cakes during xmas. Our life there, was like we (brothers and sisters) the children of the well man.

But as the time goes, when my father moved to another company and again worked as a foreman but this time in oil palm factory at Batu Rong Kunak, Sabah for almost 3 years, again our family moved to another place but still in Kunak, and this time my father have to stay in a different place from us due to the our school issues and etc. For almost a year stayed in a rent house, finally my mom decided to buy a land from our pastor and started hired a person to build a small house on that land and we were moved before it was completed.

And the story of my life begin here..

I still remember it was evening when my family were moved to this uncompleted house. At first when i saw that house without a proper wall lol i was just surprised how we going to live in a house like that. Without any electricity, without any water supplier, this house completely taught us how to live in a difficult situation. We Would had to walked 20 minutes to the river just for shower and laundry and the rest were just hopping for the skies to give us some water.

Oil palm plantation was our field to play, river was our swimming pool and chickens were our friends to play with. How amazing our life ha? and more amazingly when my dad were not working for almost 6 months. There was a very tough time for us. My mom were kept fighting with my dad and there is a moment where we had not any rice to eat for almost a week. one day during that time, my younger brother was just asked rice crust from my mom because he could not last himself from eating cassava.

In this incomplete house, we had taught how to depending on God totally

The Journey

Last 4 years had been the most challenging years for me, I see my self change so much

from a girl with just wearing sneaker, creepy jeans and cap..but now wearing a nice girly stuff
from the most tempered person to someone that can talk and laugh so much and always with the sweet smile on my lips
from someone that doesnt even know what was love feeling like, but I now understand and even I know what is the feeling of the heart broken
from someone that couldnt even speak in English, but now I am writing a blog with this international language
and above these things, I become closer to my creator
I become someone that I never ever imagined that I could be last 5 years ago.

Today, I see myself as I am today;
Graduated from a college
Get a job
Get a driving license
Get paid by the end of every month

but I still never forget that this is all that I have today, what I am today, its all not just came from my own effort, but also from people that has been around me, people that always supported me to went through all those tough years. Especially my parents who always supported me in every way.

I take this time to thank every one that involved directly or not with my life. Thank you so much all, I know that without you all I would never ever have a taste of this moment. Thank you

God is Faithful

After for almost 4 and half years I’ve been here, there is always this words that keeping me courage ‘GOD IS FAITHFUL’. I’ve been through a lot of sweet, bitter and sour moment here but still after all it is because of the love of God.

At the end of 2008 I came to this place without really knowing what is gonna happen to me, I came with my ‘Old Me’, I came with my cap, I came with me improper jeans, I came with my sneakers and yet I never knew that I would change this much.

What is more interesting, I never knew that this place would gave a big impact to me. So called ‘Legenda’. The place that see me how I grew from a girl to a woman, the witness how I drawing in the love of God. The place that teach me how to write, and how to communicate in English as today. Wow..! what a place..!

And today 14^th December 2012, I just did my last paper after 1 and half year foundation plus 3 years degree finally, what I has started last 4 years in this place is just ended today. I cry not because of leaving this place, but I cry because I never knew I would come this far, I never knew I could change this much, I never knew that everything were gonna changes as today and I cry because, for how many years I’m here, there is not even a moment God left from my side.

God gives me real friends, through them helps never end. Thank you Israel for being such a good friend, thank you jidy for being such a helpful friend, thank you Asima for being a genius friend to me, thank you everyone, thank you for the moment that we share together, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. After all, thank you to Above most high for allowing me to complete my degree.

This chapter of life will gonna end soon, excited, nervous, wonder to the up coming chapter. But one thing that keeping me strong is GOD is FAITHFUL! AMEN..!

The Answer From Him

I do not have the "real talent" but I am sure one thing when this year has started, that God's will has brought myself into praise and worship team in church is the only reason can describe why I'm here.

I was started playing keyboards in church (actually that was my very first time) one month before my 21th birthday. It was all of the sudden, was not expected by anyone, but Him. God's plans is beyond our intellectual.

But when 2011 was about to end, I was wondering about my ministry. Is it something from God? Is my ability to play keyboards was just a nature of life, the normal thing that would happen to anybody? Why am feel like am not acceptance in this team? That time, I was keep asking God for the answer. I remember weeks before I had the answer to all my questions, I tell a person in church that what I want just the answer from God to confirm what actually I suppose to do for God.

I remember that night, saturday night, week before Christmas, this one person came to our church, and that night actually we had a prayer for nations. This person have the great gift from God, She start telling our prophecy everyone of us there during that night . Through her actually God is answering all of my questions. Just few words all my question marks before gone. Through her, God says, He gives me authority to bring His people into his presence. He says again, that He sees my heart, not my talent, even people will not remember what I do, but He says that He will remember because He sees what they don't. (FROM THE BELLY FLOWING LIVING WATER) and she start anointing my fingers.

What a privilege, I couldn't describe how my feeling was, but one thing that I'm so sure about, that true my fingers, though the small talent that I myself have, through my strength He is using me so greatly.

~FROM THE BELLY FLOWING THE LIVING WATER~ This is the words that really touch me
Just thank you for the such Privilege and God is my priority

Proud to be here

maybe other people proud to be who they are because of their parents are living in the diamond castle,
maybe they proud of their father because he is able to earn thing they want,

maybe they proud to have such a rich family, uncles, aunties are living in very well condition,

maybe they proud because their family have their very successful company,

maybe they proud because their can fly to anywhere they like in every vacation

maybe they proud and proud and walking as proud as they are because the world is them

but i am proud because i have very humble mom

but i am proud becaue i have a hardworking dad

but i am proud because i have very stubborn elder borther

but i am proud to have an obedient sisters

but i am proud to have a talented younger brother

and i am can proudly to say...am proud to grew up in difficult environment

it was tough but i am proud because i was there to experience that, and amazingly...it was taught myself to be a better person, to know how precious my family are in my life and how wonderful God is.

it cannot be compare to anything that i will have someday, it cannot be compare to any gold, it just incomparable.

without them..i will not standing here, i will not be as who i am right now, and i wll not know the reason for this life..

i am be grateful because i have them in this short life.

Recovering

it is hard to start a new chapter with the old environment and especially if the pain is still there deep inside our heart :) but once it goes, flowing through the days it slowly getting smoother and the pain is slowly healing.

To smile and to talk as before to someone that you loved before...lol the most difficult things to do if you dont give a try to yourself to do it. but when you tried and you will realized that its not too hard to behave as usual :) even the tears is still come out. its normal :) yeah its normal but remember to smile because that is the only drug for tears

when we love, we miss

when we miss, we communicate

when we communicate thats mean we care and he is important to us

but once everything is changing, when we couldnt do anything to save our relationship, when decide to be apart while we still loving each other..

doesnt mean we cant talk like before, doesnt mean we cant say hello, doesnt mean we can laugh.

and thats why..

we loving each other, that why we decided to be apart

its painful and thats why it is called love :)

the moment that we shared will be the sweetest moment for this chapter

Because of this day...

our life is just funny...

yesterday we are rich, today we are very poor

yesterday we are at the top of the world, the next day it will not be surprise when we are at the bottom of this world

yesterday we thought 'the world is mine' but the next day we just realized that everything is fake

yesterday we have something that made u smiled and the next day its gone from you

yesterday we laughed, today we cry

yesterday we love and today we are not

funny ha? we can have thousands of things that will make us happy today, but make sure within them only one of them, we still have when today is gone..

we can have thousands of things in our life that make us smile, but it cannot be compare to the one thing that make us cry but its everlasting.

laugh when you got something that makes you feel happy because people will not call you crazy..

cry when something had been gone from you, because its make us feel sad, so nothing is wrong when we are cry...

scream when you couldnt hold that pain inside you, because it will make you feel better and it will healing you.

encourage yourself when we are down because nobody able to helping us. they dont know how deep you are felt.

be strong when you are weak because that is the only medicine for that.

forgive when people made mistake because nobody is perfect..

and at the end..someday when you look back you will smile because without this day you will not able to be on the day after this day..^_^

love you...(tears)

tidak tau apa yang perlu dikatakan, terutama kalau di dalam situasi yang kurang stabil, something that you really want let it out form inside you..but you just dont know where to throw it out, dont know to who you should be telling all, and to who you should be blame on for what is happening to yourself. and at the end...you just mad to yourself for whats happening. why this why that, why only me?

yeah thats what am feeling right now! its about to blow up from inside!!! but i couldnt fine where to throw it out, its a point when you mad to God i know i should not saying like that, but i couldnt help myself! its too much! its to much...i know He have his own plan for everyone of us..but why i cant see anything? why?

i couldnt carry this burden its too much God its too much! untill when i have to live my life like this? untill when? You have to tell me! You just have to...

Flying across the Indian ocean! ^_^

had u ever feel like u want to fly across the ocean..so you can go and meet someone that u love over there? LOL that i what i feel right now. the feeling is just awesome like the whole world is mine.

what make me feeling this way?? guess what?? i got a called from him on monday..on that time i felt like i wanted to jump i want to tell the whole world that he is the one that i was waiting for his called and to told me that he home safely finally over..when he called me and told me that he is home!

and feeling like i wanna fly across the sea right now so i can go unto him and say how much i love him, lol just did a little chat him...and of course i miss him a lot.

Our Story

when i first met him, it was in the confress room in my collage, when we was attended the MQA meeting during my first semester in degree. I know he have something that attracting my eyes, but i was ignored it.

and since that, where never we met..he will smiled and maybe saying hello to me. For me for he doing that...is enough

and i met him again when we were doing internal subject (ANSYS) together, and there was a day, when i was in the library, tried to finishing my ANSYS work, he was seat at the table beside me with his 'twin', and he suddenly came to my table, and started looking at my work and when i turned my head, he started to smiled..and asked me some question, and after a few minutes, he asked my name and he told me his name...not only told me his name, but spelled his name for me (laughing) S.H.A.U.N and from that day, i know him as Shaun but before that, i knew him as a man with ball head with chubby face (laughing again)

after went back home from library, i tried to found his facebook short from the long story after few weeks, he started a short chat with me, before that, i was hoping that he is single, but sadly to say during that time he was with a Philippians girl. A bit disappointed yeap..for sure, but that was finished on that time..we chat as usual when he popped out first on facebook, if not i will just ignored him

and entered my year 2 for degree...lol there was the story began between us, he repeated one subject (control) and we were in the same class, but of course most of the time another subject that he took was clashing with control's class. he asked for my phone number, so he can copy my notes.

at first, the business is just want to borrow books and maybe do some assignments together. after for a while, when we met in guard house for passing the notes, he called me strawberries (smiling) and that was the first time i heard that kind of name. and when i asked why..he just smiled. and from that time, he left something to my heart, started to feel somehow, but it wasnt enough, untill one day took me to dinner, after dinner we started texting untill we both sleepy.

after that night everything is not the same as before, he will msg me, and asked me to go out for dinner with him, texting again, untill we felt a day was not completed when we both not doing one of them (texting or dinner together) or maybe both.

we both started crazy to each other...

and it were bring us to where we are right now..we loving each other.

we got mad, but we forgiven

we love and we accepting as we are

and now he is leaving..i think now he is on his way..(maybe around Nilai or Sepang) to airport. He is going back to Malawi where he is coming from.

i hope what we had started here..will be continue even you are at the other side of this world.

have a nice journey hope i will be the only one for u..because you are the only one for me

ok..before am going to talk let me ask a question..what can u see from a picture that i just uploaded above?

an African guy? owh he is just my best friend, yeah he is the one who will be with me when i needs hands to help. But he is still not the main character for today LOL

can u see a malay guy in the between of us?

yeah he is our main character...well i know u can guess why (hahaha)

yeah of course because he is closing his eyes in other words he is sleeping..more dramatic he is sleeping while the lecture is going on..

well that is the one of the awesomeness of my classmates!!!

and how about me? lol of course i am much more awesome than them...lol u know why?

because am the one who took this picture! awesome right?

while the lecture is going on we just playing with the webcam and took pictures from the class started till the class ended LOL

can u do something like that while u are sitting at the first row? (because that was what i did :P)

Faithful

believe what u see is not called faith...but believe something u could not see and you know and believe its real and will happen on your future..yeah its call "Faith"

People says "be faithful and your life will be fruitfull..." yeah thats the fact of life..be faithful in whatever we do and we will see something incredible happening in our life. I've seen it through my life...and the feeling is wow...imagine we just need a cup cake but He give a wedding cake (lol) yeah thats the feeling like.

Even we were experienced the feeling for being faithful, even we've seen the fruit of being faithful but we still able to be forgetting it.. especially when people in trouble or big problem (yeah we just a human) and one of human being is they forget how great their God but they always think how big is the problem that their facing on a certain time . Funny right? but thats the fact like it or not as a human we have to admit it. Thats is one of our fondness behavior. ( am i right? ask ourself)

It's okay if we as human forget about how to be faithful sometimes but, once we realize that we have a great God that always standing at our back as a supporter, and be on our side as a friend, we have to turn and start being faithful again. We fall, We hurt, We cry but He don't really care about that but what is the Desire of Him is to see how we get up, how do we rise and how rebuild ourselves...God Bless and happy weekend

Thank You...

wow!!! its been along time i never been here..I think since last year right???

yeah I miss this place, the place that makes me can say anything without worries (but i think am a little worries about it now because one of my friends knows about this blog already) well i don't have to care about that person! it doesn't important.

As usual after busy with assignments, had a short semester break I (as a student) have to start with a new semester again, but this time a little bit different because I am in year 2 now! and of course i have to work harder than before ( i hope i can remember to work hard LOL). Well i can deny..I have to work harder than before to pass this semester and have to work very-very hard to get 4.00! I will not say this semester is a tough semester but i will call challenging semester for me!!! The sounds make me change my perspective.

Well thats not the topic I wanna talk about today..but I wanna share about another wonderful God's work in my life..so be ready, I hope my testimony will be an encouragement to people who reading this and for myself too. (especially when I am feeling down)

financial problem is not not a big issue for me already. Every sem I have to face the same problem until at one level... I just tired to being here but God is wonderful! So the same problem i had been faced last sem..at first I still can be cool. My parents told me to be patient because they can't earn the amount of money that time. I was just leaved to God! I said "Lord I've seen wonderful things that You did in my life so nothing will be impossible in the same case right?" But till the end I was still don't get the money for paying my college fees. But God is good (all the time) He brought a group of friends come to help me.

They are just around me, but i never thought about them before! (for asking help) and i never expect anything from them because they are not my people (that was i thought before) LOL see God's work is totally different and its far far away from the way we are thinking. For the short story I received someone amount of money..and it was more than i asked from God! LOL He is good! I am so bless!

I learn something from what happened. Just be patient to His work, yeah thats not gonna be easy for waiting something that you don't know that where it will be come from! and that is why we have build a good faith (Faith is not something you believe what u see now but u believe what u believe and u believe it will happen on future, something will happen!)

Seorang Teman Y_Y

Mungkin kita sering kali lupa, tugas seorang sahabat itu adalah membangunkan teman-teman mereka yang tertidur atau dengan kata lain teman-teman yang terjatuh.

dan itu yang berlaku pada diri saya sejak akhir-akhir ini. Saya melihat seorang teman saya jatuh, saya melihat dia bergelut, tapi apa yang saya lakukan..bukan membangunkan dia, tetapi turut sama menjatuhkan dia..menyisihkan dia dari hidup saya, sebabnya saya tidak mau terjatuh dalam masalah.
Tapi secara tidak langsung, sebenarnya masalah itu telah timbul sejak saya meletkan dia di pinggir hidup saya.

Dan bila saya membuka mata pada pagi ini..ada satu remah yang menegur.. dan itu yang diperkatakan.
Seringkali kita terlupa, seringkali kita lalai, tetapi Dia tidak melihat itu semua, sebab apa yang dia lihat itu bukan apa yang sudah berlaku ,melainkan apa yang akan dilakukan atau tindakan yang akan kita ambil selepas sedar akan kesilapan kita.

Kasihnya melebihi segalanya
dan tugas kita sebagai anak-anakNya adalah
menyatakan dan menyalurkan "kasih" yang telah mengalir dalam hidup kita

KasihMu Yesus, indah bagiku
KasihMu Yesus melebihi segalanya
Tak dapat ku balas dengan kebaikanku
Selain hidup ku s’rahkan padaMu

Pakailah aku Tuhan seturut kehendakMu
Jadikan ku berharga di mataMu Yesus
Menyatakan kasihMu pada semua orang
KasihMu Yesus mengubah hidupku (dunia)

(tidak dapat cari dia punya video so i just post the lyric of the song that had been made me woke up from the sleep)

Thank God for your beautiful works in my life

One of my testimony, one i always seen, one is always makes me growing in lord is..

He never left me alone
As i walking alone here, study here, far from my family, far from anybody that i know, He send me a lot of friends either the people doesn't know God, and specially people that knows God. He not even just send me a lot of friends, but He also prepared me a "big family" here. So when i week, when need somebody to share my problems with, when i need friends to making my days wonderful.. They are always here.
Even my classmate, they are always the blessed for me, making my days stressful, making my days wonderful, making myself fizzy, and making me always talking.
When my pocket money finish...God is always use a person to send a meal for me!

God is always here for us...

everything that we do lets do according to His will,

everything that we need lets come to His feet and ask from Him

No one will understand our problems accept..

Last night..one of my friends shared about his burned to me, and for the first time i felt so down heard that. I never feel or in his situation now..but i know it's too heavy for him, especially when we come from "poor" background ( that's what he said, but for me..).

I learnt something from him..

1. We will easily show our weaknesses (without knowing that) when we are facing a problem. It doesn't matter how strong your appearance, how holy the words came out from your mouth and how matured you are. Maybe people can acting as cool as they are..but the truth will come out when someone facing a big problem! And we can see what is actually the colour of that person

2. Don't allow the situation makes us fall or down. Just flow with it with faith, be faithful in what ever that you do..everything happen in your life is happen with a purpose, and our job is to flow with the flows that God created to us...and believe that is the best for us. our thinking as a human can't interpret God's plain..He is the only one who knows His own plan for us. Learnt to be thankful, learnt to be faithful in whatever situation you are facing..

3. Put your burden to God..and carry his

one of my commits..she always says, God is waiting till we are truly surrender and come to Him put our knees in front of Him..and say "God your are in charge"

Than God will do something "wow". What is impossible to man is possible to Him.

and i know she is right..cause i always experience the same thing. He always ask for our humble heart.

it's good to be a good listener, but after that we will facing some risk...

what i should say to encourage that person?

what should i do to help that person?

am I a good friend to that person?

Am I do my responsibility as a friend to that person?

What that i learnt from this?

As we know..No one can understand our problems, but to shear it is the best way to reduce the burden on our shoulders.

and inviting God to in charge our life is the best way to solve it!

Our Father in Heaven will never left us to walk alone

and it doesn't mean He will never let us facing a problem at all

but He will be right beside us..hold us, and walk with us..so we will experience God's work in our life, and we will know how great our God!

Yahweh! He will be forever Yahweh!

AMEN~

In you heart

In a ball room there is dancing

In a forest there are trees

In a child there's a hope

That keeps him in belief

With any star there is a sky

With any beach there's a sea

With any love song there's a lover

And in your heart I hope its...

See Her Smile

I just saw this picture in my brother's facebook..and suddenly i feel like i'm indeed miss my little sister..look the way her smile! God she is the bless in our family! our little damsel ^_^ The only one..and will forever be the little one!

This photo about 3 months ago..when she was went here (peninsular of M'sia) for some official stuff.

I miss my brother too..it's been a long time never talk to him. I know he is okay! God is working on his life now coz i can see that..He will be the one who will be the second father for us.Good luck for that Arnun! i know the strengthness, the blesses, the wisdom they are come from God..So i pray that u will put God first in whatever u doing in ur life...maybe not tomorrow, but i am very sure the holy spirit is working to change ur life now! Amen~

hurrmmm miss my parents..miss them a lot! and for sure..i want to go back now..but God is not allowing yet..i will be patient for that!